New York is a city of many dichotomies. The ridiculously, super-high income versus the low income [a tale of two cities]. Harlem versus Brooklyn. Jay-Z versus Nas [are we still having this debate?]. Yankees versus Mets. First -term Bloomberg versus third-term Bloomberg. Carnegie Deli versus Katz. Westside versus Eastside. Taxi versus livery. Etc.
There are dichotomies in every aspect of life in New York City, and dating is no different. People get this fantastical idea of what dating in New York is based off what they see on television and read in books and magazines. They hear these grandiose stories of how New York is the land of opportunity [and plenty] when it comes to dating. But, in reality, this is no easy places to date or find love. This is the kind of place where you could have a really amazing dating experience, or you can have a really not-so amazing dating experience. And, unfortunately, if you’ve been around as long as I have, then you’ve seen it all and experienced everything.
Dating dichotomies come in all forms. Beauty versus brains [been there, done that]. College educated versus the happily-working, non-college grad. The planner versus the spontaneous, unorganized type [I have first hand experience with this one too]. The conservative versus the liberal [I going 3-for-4 over here]. The ambitious go-getter versus the laid back, complacent type. And the super considerate [ a.k.a. smothering type] versus the self-absorbed [I’m the “ish”] type.
They say opposites attract, but it seems that many of these dichotomous relationships rarely, if ever, work. I’ve dated someone who does planning for a living [the planner], and it always amazes me how someone who is so meticulous when it comes to the details of planning events could be so bad at planning a simple date. I mean, could it really be that hard? You talk, you plan, you put it on the calendar, and you show up, right? Wrong? It’s not as easy as T-P-C [Talk, plan, put it on the calendar].
I mean, really? It can’t be that hard for a woman to commit to a date. Particularly, when the guy is doing the actual planning. He’s the one who’s tasked with coming up with a date that’s kind of romantic, but not too elaborate, takes into consideration the woman’s proximity to the location of the date, and her transportation home, if the date goes into overtime. All the guy is asking is that the woman shows up with a smile.
I’ve dated the ambitious go-getter type, but we literally only went on one date every six months [at least we didn’t have to worry about getting tired of each other]. She was a cutie from Florida, but she had no time, or she just had a problem committing to regular dates. I’ve dated the happily-working, non college grad, but our three-month courtship ended when she told me that she wanted to be my “baby mama [and I thought these stories only existed on low-budget reality TV shows]” I’ve dated the conservative type, but she always seemed to play it safe with me, and that was a turn off, unfortunately.
So, I guess the lesson of the day is that you should only date someone who’s a lot like you [or at least partially like you]. Otherwise, you might find yourself bored, uninterested, jumping through hoops to plan dates, running from a woman who wants to desperately have your baby, or desperately chasing after a chick with amazing looks, but hardly any brains [go figure]. Interesting dichotomy.
Great post! I agree with everything. Despite having so many people living in NYC, dating is a struggle. I find that men don’t know how to court and are cheap nor creative.