love ideals

Sometimes finding true love is harder than finding a seat on the A-train during the morning rush hour. It’s not happening without good timing and a little bit of luck. The only major difference is that you will have no problem spotting a seat on the train when it becomes available. On the other hand, love can be looking you right in the face, and you are totally oblivious to it.

People ask me all of the time, why they can’t find love, or why their relationships don’t work. And I’ve always maintained that finding love is part experiment, part learning experience, and part risk taking. Sometimes, you have to go through all of the motions until you find the relationship that works for you. Now, that I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that maybe we’re trying too hard to find love. Maybe we’re focusing too much on the mechanics of finding love (i.e. dating, talking, etc.).  And maybe we’re missing out on love because we’re too focused on this perfect ideal. You know this ideal that is mostly perpetuated in the media. For some guys, this means that the woman we strive for has to have looks like Halle Berry, sophistication and style like Kerry Washington, and unbridled spunk like Kate Upton. For some women, they look for the sex appeal of Idris Elba, the sheer coolness of Denzel Washington, and the southern charm and quiet demeanor of Brad Pitt. Truthfully, I feel that this is one of the single major factors preventing us from finding true love. For men, instead of looking at the short chocolate girl with the thick hips and sexy legs from Brooklyn who’s extra brainy (and sometimes nerdy), exudes self-confidence, adores you for the person you are, and who you don’t have to fake chemistry around because it genuinely exists. We opt for the light skin, no meat on her bones, “trophy wife” chick who kind of thinks she’s all that and a bag of Skittles, sort of has low self-esteem, which makes her seek attention from guys whom clearly show that they don’t really value or want her because they don’t hardly put in any real effort to get her at all, yet we still desire because she somehow represents that ideal of beauty that society says that men should strive for. #trophywifesyndrome

Alternatively, some of the ladies out there have to stop waiting for Idris to sweep them off their feet and start looking for Georgey. Georgey may not have all of the muscles, charm, and dashing good looks as Idris, but at least he’ll treat you like you’re the number one girl in the world. And, quite frankly, with all of the women chasing Idris, I can’t say with much confidence that you’ll truly be the only one he’s focused on. I’m just saying….

Gotta love ideals though.


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